The spiritual side of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is important enough to the community that writing about it is part of the process to be considered as a trainer. The founder of NVC talks about it frequently, and his reflections have been compiled in a booklet called, Practical Spirituality.
This is what I wrote in my trainer candidacy application letter:
I’d like to illustrate my views on NVC spirituality by revealing (spoiler alert) the series finale of the television show, Lucifer. The final season explores Lucifer’s quest to become the new God. He fears that he’s not worthy because he thinks he isn’t capable of loving everyone, as so many people are awful, so he decides to see if he can help someone he despises.
That person is dead, so Lucifer visits him in Hell, where souls are stuck in a hell loop of their own design, endlessly repeating the things they feel guilty about. They are their own gatekeepers, but no soul has ever let go of their guilt, so none have ever ascended to Heaven. For the first time, Lucifer helps this particular soul go into deeper and deeper hell loops to find the root of what made him as he is. As Lucifer watches the memory of the man being abandoned by his mother as a child, Lucifer feels love for this person he despised.
The story Lucifer had been telling himself is that his role in Hell is punishment from his father, and that he needed to become God to empower himself. He has now returned to Hell, joyfully, seeing it as his calling. He has replaced hell loops with therapy, helping souls work through their inner demons. One of the ‘patients’ in the closing scene is someone he had truly hated earlier, a man who killed one of his close friends, tortured his daughter, and nearly killed the love of his life. The show ends with them enjoying loving banter in therapy. One of the final lines he delivers is, “If the Devil can be redeemed, then anyone can.”
I thought this was a beautiful illustration of the spirituality of NVC. No matter what someone has done or how ‘evil’ they are, it’s all an expression of what happened to them, their trauma, generational trauma, etc. If we are able to look past the words and actions and into the pain, it’s possible to find love for even the ‘worst’ of us, and that love can help them heal.
